Iowa is Just a Safety School

The Iowa Hawkeyes opened up the 2022 college football season in less than stellar fashion. No, the Hawkeyes didn’t lose but everyone who tuned in to watch did.

In what is sure to be an instant classic, nearly on par with the 2004 masterpiece that saw the Hawkeyes defeat the Penn State Nittany Lions 6-4 (including willingly giving up a safety to avoid giving up a touchdown), Iowa’s offense welcomed fans back to historic Kinnick Stadium by giving them four quarters of nails on a chalk board. The Hawkeyes managed just 10 total first downs on 166 total yards against FCS South Dakota State. Starting QB Spencer Petras had a staggering QBR of 1.2 as he completed 11 of 25 passes for 109 yards (4.4 yards per attempt) with an interception while the rushing attack managed a mind -numbing 1.6 yards per carry.

But this is Iowa and none of that mattered. Phil Parker’s defense scoffed at the abysmal offense their team put up and upped the ante. The Hawkeyes held SDSU to a staggering 6 first downs on just 120 yards of total offense. The Jacks would get only three points on the day and those came off a short field courtesy of the Petras interception.

Regardless of the cause, the three points left the Hawkeyes tied with the Jackrabbits. That is until Iowa realized it’s simply a safety school.

Following a 49-yard Tory Taylor punt that pinned the Jackrabbits at their own one yard line, preseason All-American linebacker Jack Campbell decided he had seen enough and took matters into his own hands.

After doing the safety dance once and watching the offense flounder further into the 4th quarter, the Hawkeye defense again decided to fend for themselves. This time it was defensive end Joe Evans who came off the edge for a sack lunch of Jackrabbit.

The Hawkeyes would go on to win the game 7-3. The defense finished with four points, more than either offense, and Iowa became the first school in more than two decades to finish with seven points but no touchdowns.

And thus, The safety school was born.

Safety School

Welcome to the University of Safety School! We’re going for two the hard way.

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